Stardust
by teamsayoridub
Summary: Six months after the horrifying events that were solved with a time machine and sadly, a dead club president. The new four, Rivers, Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri are back and happier than ever. Finally, everyone's problems are resolved. But then why does Sayori seem sad again, or a specific person is being drawn on the walls? (Warning: crippling depression, action in a car, & bad puns)
1. Lakes and Rivers

That sun. That's the first thing I feel at the beginning of the day. It beckons me, asking me to wake up and maybe drink some coffee. I groan in my bed for about two minutes before I submit and get up for the day. Let's see the pluses: it's Friday and I get to hit the Literature Club today with my childhood friend and current girlfriend: Sayori. Wait, I think we're getting too far. Before we keep going, I'm Rivers. I'm a guy who goes to the crappiest high school under the palm trees, but hey, we're cool, at least. I'm a person of the Literature Club, and my girlfriend, who turned me onto all this, is our president. The last president, uh, kinda died. It was a problem involving video games and a time machine. But I digress.

I walk to the intersection Sayori and I always meet on. She's not here though. However, for a few seconds, I see a person walking away, toward the direction of the school. Before they fall out of view, I see a glimpse of red in the hair.

I immediately started booking it towards this person. I'm not that fast, only an 8:30 mile. But I catch up with this person. And when I do, there is only one thing I can say.

"Dammit, Sayori!" I say playfully, but still kinda annoyingly.

"You found me," she said, laughing.

You see, these kinds of practical jokes are among the basis of our whole relationship. It kind of keeps us sane. Especially since Sayori used to have, um, a problem (read: crippling depression). Hold up, Google says it's not okay to make these kinds of jokes yet. But I don't care. We keep it out of our minds, since she and I both nearly died. She seems normal, happy, without a care in the world. Like an 8-year-old walking in the streets of San Clemente, a tiny surfside city, without thinking of the danger. Wait, what am I saying? Anyways, we're here and I guess it's time to head off for class. Sayori pecks my cheek then walks off.

My day doesn't really get better. I end it at the Literature Club, like I do twice a week. There's four of us. All of us seems to have came from really difficult backgrounds (except me, yeah, I _totally_ don't have a bad origin story).

Um... hey at least everyone's better! Even our friend Yuri, but she almost died of blood loss and everything, and it took two weeks for her to get better. They had to rotate giving blood and super-strong-ultra-only-for-medical-use type of heroin. All they had was heroin. Nothing safe. Just heroin. So that's Yuri. Then there's Natsuki. We're friends, but we had to fight 3 times: twice in the hallway, and once at the Taco Bell. We both got suspended for three days. That was the day Sayori was so pissed at me, she yelled at me and, in a rage, ran all the way home. We're still friends (me and Natsuki, that is, me and Sayori are still together, don't worry) Also, I guess her dad was a piece of crap. Six months ago, however, he got accounted with nineteen charges of child abuse and neglect, and now he's in San Quentin. I hope he gets molested in there. But, hey, now she lives with her mom and stepdad, who are super cool and awesome and feed her and don't beat her and all that. And she keeps a 6-and-a-half foot manga shelf with literally a thousand manga in her room. She still is an easy to anger person, but hey, she makes cupcakes most weeks, so I'm happy.

Then the two people so far you know and love, with a ship name so horrendous, I can't stand it. But I'll write it. It's Sayorivers. Kill me. At least the ends of her name match up with the starts of mine. We started going out around five or six months ago, after a whole mess we've affectionately called, something we should never talk about again. I still get chills every time I see a young girl that's not my little sister, Clementine. I don't know why she likes me, but I know why I like her. She was always the funny one, the one who put a smile on everyone's face. I guess I was the loud, obnoxious one, so we connected, and we've been friends since. She was sweet, and she's cute. Okay, story time's over.

I guess it's time to share our poems. I wrote mine like this:

You

The sun. The moon. The stars.

They all depict you.

It's not a Radiohead reference.

But wherever I go

I sense you.

When I hit the surf I see you.

When I go to sleep I hear you.

When I see your eyes

I'm finally safe.

Wanna walk on the beach?

Okay, it sucks. But everyone was confused. I told them it was about an estranged lover who finds his other in another's eyes. I'm not gonna lie, Sayori was an inspiration. Okay, fine, I basically wrote that about her. Everyone read their poems, and then cupcakes! Natsuki made strawberry cupcakes! With vanilla icing! She made five, one for everybody, and one of her boyfriend, who is just as short and pissed off as she is. A match made in heaven. Kinda like someone you know (cough, cough..me..cough, cough...Sayori...cough, cough.)

I was about to jack the last cupcake, when Natsuki's boyfriend came in. He comes by from time to time, and he wrote a poem once. I can't tell you on a PG-13 story what he wrote. Let's just say, the poem was about what Nat and the guy do when we're not around, (read: they did it in the closet). And that's why Natsuki was the very first one of us to lose their virginity! She didn't win any cookies, but hey, good job, I guess? Sorry, I don't really get horny, but sometimes when me and Sayori are together in a car... um, okay, those thoughts are for another time. Anyway, he caught me literally reaching for the cupcake. I'm not gonna lie, that guy freaks me out.

"Haha, gotta go fast!" I said, as I bolted out of the room and down the hallway. I parked myself near the bathroom where I found Yuri eating some cupcake.

"Hey, Rivers. These are good!" she greeted.

We had a conversation about food, and how to cook stuff. She learned to become a cook and she makes great food. Hey, at least now she uses knives in the right way. She left. I just sat there, scrolling at my Instagram, when suddenly Natsuki's boyfriend walks around.

"Hey, I got something to tell you!" he told me.

"What?" I said, freaking out inside.

Then he said something that surprised me.

"Want my cupcake?"

"Yeah, hey, thanks!"

"Hey, sorry, dude. It seems like you were scared of me."

"Yeah, honestly, I kinda was."

"Well, hey. We're cool."

Then he just walks off. I feel safe enough to come back to the club. Where Sayori is reading her poem. It went something like this.

Waiting to Sublimate

I wait in the sun

In the back of my car.

To sublimate.

To reach the unknown depths in the world.

To know who and what I am.

To find out where I want to be.

In the back of a red Altima.

With a cup of coffee.

With Sublime on the stereo.

And a friend to keep me company.

It's good. Call me biased, but ninety percent of the time I like Sayori's poems the best. They're really intricate, and it makes you think and imagine. And we both really like Sublime. This one was weird, though. I don't know what the word sublimate means. I heard it in science class, but I was too busy texting Sayori and Instagram scrolling. But, coffee tastes good.


	2. Boy, You Should See

After class, I walk back to my house, when Sayori catches up with me.

"What's up?" she asks.

"Nothing," I respond.

"Hey, I know what your poem was really about," she tells me.

I blush for a moment, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, sure I'll go walk on the beach with you. Meet me in front of my house,", then, like most times we part ways, she kisses me on the cheek then walks away. She goes into her house. I go into mine. I change my outfit into something casual. A blue T-shirt and brown shorts. I do my homework real quick, then put some lemonade in a large bottle. You see, everyone in the Literature Club is known for something. For Natsuki, it's cupcakes. For Sayori, it's being friendly and those cinnamon buns. And for me, it's lemonade. Everyone loves my lemonade. Especially me. So I make a big bottle and head out the door. I walk the treacherous fifty feet next door to Sayori's house. She's waiting in her red Altima. I hop in.

"Woah, you made lemonade?" she roars loudly, "let me get some!"

"Some means half the lemonade?" I retort.

"Hey, there's two people! So, we should each get half."

We drive to a beach, but not the normal one. We went to the secluded one six miles down, next to the rocks, where you can't walk.

She's acting really weird and silent.

"Hey, wanna hop in the back?" she asks me.

"Sure," I respond. I don't know why, but she just has a quirky personality. I know everything will be fine.

And then the Sublime song comes on the mixtape. It's not Santeria or What I Got, but the second coolest one, Caress Me Down.

"This is an awful lot like your poem," I tell Sayori in the back.

"Really, how?" she asks.

"Um, in the back of your red Altima, with Sublime on the stereo."

Then, she pulled out a coffee. She took one sip and put it down.

"Fine." she told me, and she turned off the stereo.

Now, what comes next is very... ugh, whatever.

She kissed me.

Like really hard.

Full on the lips.

And then she fell on top of me.

And one thing led to another.

With us doing it.

In the back of a red Altima.

It wasn't long, maybe around 5 minutes.

But it was amazing.

We slept because we got tired.

But then we woke up ten minutes later and did it again.

Fully naked.

With clothes strewn across the car.

I'm wearing nothing, and all she's wearing a red bow in her hair. Then we fell asleep. It was nice, with the cooler on for the summer. And I finally got what she meant by that poem.

And in a subtle way, it was even dirtier than Natsuki's boyfriend's.

We woke up at night to police sirens behind us. The tint is so dark, they couldn't see us. Until we moved. We had maybe around thirty seconds to get our clothes on. Against my will to want to book it out of there, Sayori thought it was just a misunderstanding, and wanted to clear it up with them. We had blinds on our car, so maybe they thought we were crushing and snorting blue or something. We put on our clothes in a hurry and stepped outside.

They were yelling at us about something.

"Do you know what time it is?" he chastised.

"9 pm?" I responded.

"How about a quarter past midnight, smart aleck?" the cop responded.

I checked my phone. It said 12:17.

"We're gonna have to call your parents and give you a 250 dollar ticket for staying past curfew." the other cop said.

Sayori gave me a look like, _Book it._ And when the cop wasn't looking, we both hopped in the car and I whipped it out onto the 1. The cops had around 15 seconds in our smoke, and we kept speeding up the one.

"They're getting in..." Sayori mumbled.

"They're peeling out..." she mumbled again. In my rear view mirror, I saw them.

"And they're taking off... the wrong way!" I exclaimed.

We might have celebrated a bit too hard. They noticed us and turned around.

We decided to turn onto a small road in hills. We hid the car in some bushes and ran up the hill. We slid into a ditch where we knew they couldn't find us. They thought we headed back toward the ocean. We took the car and with no time to waste, we took the road around the one and back to our house. She was wondering if she could stay at my house, since her parents were probably going to get really mad, and I said sure. My parents left the house all to myself for two days, and I'm pretty responsible. In my bed, we chill and watch cartoons (another fun thing we both like) and, you know, we made out a little, but not too much, and then we fell asleep together (not like... that, you weirdos, we slept in the same bed, god)

She told me she planned this out for a while. The poem, the coffee, she even had a friend help her make a dummy of herself to fool her parents. It worked. Normally around eleven, if she's out, her parents call, but no call. We're in the clear.

We fell asleep, and in the moments before I passed out, I saw her face and it looks so peaceful. Like maybe in her dreams there are unicorns and rainbows... and... and...


	3. Beach Blankets

I woke up to someone tapping my shoulder. I wake up, and I see Sayori's face, really close.

"Can you make waffles?"

Waffles are the other thing I'm known for. One day when Natsuki got really, incredibly sick, and Sayori was out of cinnamon bun ingredients, they were on me to make some food. So I cooked some waffles with strawberries pressed in them. And I brought it with some lemonade. And that's why I'm the one to find for waffles and fruit drinks of nearly every kind. She looked really hungry and jumpy, so as the doting lover I was I said,

"Okay, fine..."

I washed my hands and went downstairs, the waffle iron sitting in the middle of the kitchen. I mixed the batter and put some strawberries and cherries (Sayori likes cherries, I hate them), and tossed it all on the waffle iron. Then I made some watermelon juice (she hates watermelons) and a lemonade (just so she don't slap me). She comes down and eats the food.

"Mm, that's good!"

But then she tries the juice.

"Excuse me a moment," and she runs to the bathroom and hurls. I quickly switch the watermelon drink for the lemonade. Then I grabbed a waffle and ate it.

The whole club is going to the beach today! Being the surfer of the group, I gave everyone the idea. Everyone's going, even Natsuki's boyfriend! I went and washed up in the bathroom, when I heard a sound from upstairs.

"Die, bitches!" in a sound so obviously Sayori's. I came into the room. She was playing GTA, and she cashed all my money for guns and grenades.

"You made the watermelon juice on purpose!" she says as she cracks up.

I cracked up too. I don't really get mad with the pranks and jokes, cause it's just our little dynamic. And I like it like that.

She left to her house with a smile on her face. We're all meeting at the big beach, with lots of surf and sand. I put on board shorts and a wetsuit top. I grab my small 6 foot board and hit the road. I have a Honda Civic I got from my mom two years ago. I put the board in and left into the city. The beach is in the middle of the city.

I hit the beach around 11, and it took me around 10 minutes to find the squad, sitting in a big set of beach blankets, and a giant cooler. All of the Shady Bunch was there. We were all talking on the beach. I decided to hit the waves with the only other person that can surf, Natsuki. I tried teaching Sayori to surf, but she doesn't really care for it that much. We paddle out, and it's weird, like we have this game, who can reach the break first. She's winning today.

"Keep up!" she taunts as she paddles. The beach is practically deserted. I caught a sick wave and turned and carved a lot on it. Sayori must've saw it, since she shot me a peace sign.

Over the next hour, we each caught waves. Then we headed in.

"Hey, where'd Yuri go?" I asked Sayori.

"I don't know, she's alway disappearing."

I went to the bathroom to go. I don't need to go into detail. After that, I just stood around, for a while. I was thinking, like, _Damn, me and Sayori... whoa... that was fun._ I was startled by Natsuki. She came by.

"Hey," she greeted half heartedly.

"Hi," I responded.

"Hey..." she hesitates.

"I had fun back there."

Then she leans in and kisses me. Like, on the lips. Then she walks away.

I feel uncomfortable.

Really uncomfortable.

It took me a minute to process. Man, I was having so much fun. Then, bam, one of the worst days of my life.

I walked behind the building, in a ditch between road and bathroom.

Cue even worse feelings.

You know how we didn't find Yuri?

Well, I did.

In the ditch.

Sitting on the ground.

Shooting up pool. And, not the game. I mean the super-powerful-ultra-only-for-medical-use pool.

I stutter for a second, and she notices me.

"What the fu...oh, hey." she says to me at first aggressively, then normal, "I guess now you know, huh?"

I stutter for a second, but I ask, "How?"

"When I was in the hospital, they shot me up with this. But supposably there's a law that says specific actions have to be taken at high and frequent doses."

"So?"

"At the hospital, they didn't follow the specific procedures for safely taking it away. They just slapped me in the back and said, "Yay, you're better.", after literally pulling the needle out my arm. So at night I stole most of their supply."

"Man, that's harsh. Maybe, you know, you can get some hel—"

"No!" she chastises, then cools down, "Look, they never treated my depression. They just stopped me from slashing my wrists every day. Please, This is the best thing I've felt since that. If they took it away, I'd probably kill myself in withdrawal."

She starts crying.

"Please, just go. And don't tell anybody. Please."

I left and walked back to the group.

I grabbed my surfboard and left.

"Rivers, where are you—" Sayori asks.

"I'm going home."

I just walked away.

Into my car.

Into my house.

Into my bed.

I cried.

A lot.

How could've I let myself handle things like that?

I pretty much cheated on Sayori.

The one I love.

The one who made friends with the friendless weirdo in first grade.

The sunshine that keeps me in a warm state of mind.

I dropped that.

She... she doesn't deserve that.

I... don't belong here.

I don't deserve to be with her.

I don't deserve to be here.


	4. If You're Wondering

I went to school on Monday. It was probably the most upsetting day ever. I just slept and slept. I got three detentions. I didn't go, though. I'll never have to deal with them.

I went to the Literature Club, where Sayori and everyone was preparing for the poems. I saw Yuri in the back corner. I needed someone to talk to.

"Hey, I need help," I told her

"What?" she responded quietly.

I told her the whole situation with Natsuki. How I felt, everything.

"I would probably tell her. Not right now though."

"Why not?"

She handed me Sayori's poem, that fell on the floor.

Florida Honey

Rain, storms, surging.

When does sporadic rain

turn into the hurricane

that breaks towns

Bringing the whole world down.

I'm tired of my life in Florida.

But I stay.

I don't leave

Despite the rain that besieges me

Because the only thing that keeps me sunny.

Is the sweet taste of Florida-made honey.

"Okay, so she's talking about about Florida," and that's when it hits me. Rainclouds. Her word for _depression._ How could've I been so dumb? Maybe she knows. Maybe she hates me. Maybe she hates herself. But she can't and won't leave either. Because of the Florida honey. What does that mean?

I guess she has a way of making words so subtle, even with depression.

My poem is much worse.

Littleton

A small city on the mounts

Two estranged kids never given sound

Never shown love or care

So they turned to violence for their despair.

Video games showed them the way.

And on that cold April day.

Entering at the lunch hour.

Walking out with blood upon the state flower.

Everybody was also confused. I told them it's about the pains of being ignored and lied to. But that's not true. You want a deeper explanation? No? Well, you're getting it. A state with mounts is Colorado. The state flower of Colorado is the columbine, for which a certain high school where these two students attended was named. I think now you can get it.

Natsuki's was weird. It was about chickens. And Yuri's was about a fictional lady who is turned on to heroin by her brother. That's it. I drive home and I grab my things. I'm gonna skip school for the next day. I'm off. I gave Sayori a letter, confession. I think I'll feel better.

(Rivers fourth wall note: sorry for the short chapter? a second follow-up chapter is coming soon.)


	5. Sayori's Very Own Chapter

I spent an hour generally fixing and tidying the club room. Rivers left the room so quickly. My feeling knew something was up. It felt like he was hurting. I feel like Natsuki also had something to do with it, since Natsuki acted extra angry today. But I really can't worry right now, their rainclouds or mine.

 _Or the sky's._

I walk home and knock on Rivers's door. Maybe he wanted to come outside and go to an amusement park. But his little sister, Clementine, answered the door.

"Oh...um, hey, Clem. Where's Rivers?" I asked her.

"He left. He said he was going to get cake batter. But he left with some rope and his passport." Clementine responded in an innocent voice.

"Okay. Well, if you see him, tell him Sayori was here, okay?" I say, sweetly.

"Okay, bye!" and she closes the door.

Rope and a passport? When did those two ever go together? I went inside for food, but I saw some mail was hanging out the mailbox. It was mostly junk mail, furniture catalogs from when Rivers tricked me into signing it, making me think it was an ice cream catalog. But there was one that struck out to me. It was a light blue card, and on the back there was a name that struck me.

Rivers Sanchez.

I feel weird why he would mail a card next door. But I take it inside and open it.

Want to read it?

Sure.

Dear Sayori,

Hey, it's Rivers. Your boyfriend. The one who made you waffles and kissed you goodnight when you got too wasted to stay awake. Out of the simpleton I am, i have something to say. At the beach, something happened. I was coming out of the bathroom and relaxing, when Natsuki came to me and kissed me. And I let it happen. I understand how you feel. Straight out the words of a stupid, ignorant guy who let down everyone he loved. I'm leaving the Literature Club behind. What I did was such a betrayal to you I can't be with you. Or Yuri. Or especially Natsuki. Or Clementine. When I look into her eyes, I saw something that I betrayed, and I am scared. For her. For her soul that's so innocent and pure, so friendly with everyone, believing that the world could do her no harm. She reminded me of you.

While on my surface I look like a fun, friendly person, I've been slowly hating the world and everything in it, including myself, since I was 8. Since everything I loved got taken away. I guess I just care too much for the world. I want everything to feel better and finally achieve that nirvana everyone seeks. The relievement of all suffering. And I'm just suffering too much. Nobody wants to deal with a big, upset baby! I always wish the best for you, Sayori. I love you, and I always will. Please forgive me, and forget me. And always know it's better to burn out than to fade away. And I want you to know how happy I was to be in the Literature Club with you. It was the happiest point of my life.

Peace, love, and lots of sunshine, Rivers Sanchez.

And I wanted to cry.

But there was a second page.

And that made me bawl.

In tears, I read the sloppy handwriting of his newest poem.

÷ (divide)

MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE:

SAYORI, I'M WITH YOU:)

WE'LL BE TOGETHER ON THE OTHERSIDE

PLEASE KEEP GOING

PLEASE

BY NOW I'M ALREADY IN MEXICO

BACK TO THE OCEANIC HELLHOLE OF MY BIRTH

PLEASE KEEP GOING

FOR CLEM

FOR HER LIFE WILL BE ENDLESSLY BETTER WITHOUT ME IN IT

TELL YURI I STOLE ALL HER HEROIN

AND TELL NATSUKI I'M SORRY

SAYORI, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!

And on the bottom was a red stain. It was blood. I was confused. But then I knew. With rope and a passport. In Mexico. Where he was born. I cried in my room.

But I couldn't.

 _I need to save him._

But I didn't know how.

But I called Yuri and Natsuki.

"Guys, come over, please..." I told them.

Natsuki was watching anime. Yuri was crying and shaking.

They were reluctant.

"Please." I started crying. "I think we might lose another club member."

And that got them.

The memory. Of her.

Of Monika.

Of how she killed herself in the lab to save us.

They came by in 10 minutes.

"Get in. We're going to Mexico."

"Why?" Natsuki snarkily asked.

"Shut the hell up, Natsuki. Right now I'm so frickin... not happy with you!" I responded.

I showed Yuri the card.

Natsuki was in the back trying to defend herself.

"I'm sorry! Like, I got a little drunk with my boyfriend, and I wasn't thinking!"

"Yeah, and now getting hammered is gonna cost my boyfriend's life."

Yuri was analyzing the card, and still didn't get it through her withdrawed head.

"It means he's going to kill himself in Mexico!" I yelled at her.

"But what does otherside mean?" she retorted angrily, "it's one word!"

"You... ugh, otherside means death. Like, he's waiting for me to die so we could both be happy together in heaven."

We stayed in silence. I didn't stop for gas, since I had a full tank.

The border was hell.

But Yuri saved us.

"Fast pass." she said.

And we crossed into Tijuana in twenty minutes. But there was an hour to Rosarito.

"Wait, but how do we know it's Rosarito where he's going to die?" Natsuki asked.

"You slutty idiot, he was born in Rosarito!" I yelled even louder. I was so angry I wanted to beat her up. But I'll save that for another time.

We sped 120 miles per hour to Rosarito.

To the little highway by the coast.

To the surf shop his mom took him when he was a baby.

To the shores they would walk into.

I can almost see a lady holding her baby, feeding him a bottle while singing a Mexican lullaby in Spanish. The baby was dark-skinned and quiet, with long eyelashes, and peaceful brown eyes. He fell soundly asleep to the song.

Exactly like Rivers.

I remember when he had nightmares when I stayed over. I sang him a song, and he fell asleep. He was the most peaceful person I saw.

We entered the dirt road that ended under a bridge. And the little family disappeared. We exited the car. And saw a bridge. At the edge of the bridge straight down is a cliff into water. It seems like if you fell in, you would be crushed by the roaring waves. The ocean spray slapped me. And I looked up. A silhouette, a body, attaching something. In the dark, I grabbed a flashlight, I ducked behind the car. And I saw it. A brown-haired, dark-skinned child with needles injected into both arms. I saw Yuri, and I pulled her to me, and closed her mouth and nose.

"You'll wake up in no time." I whispered as she fell asleep.

I look like a yandere, but she'll wake up. I know it, I've used it before.

He had needles in both arms, like I said before, he had a scarf around his neck. No, not a scarf. A brown one. A noose. It's Rivers.

I'm scared if I yell I'll make him jump.

He's crying, singing a lullaby in Spanish. The same one the mother sang to the baby. Was I tripping?

I intervened.

With tears in my eyes and a stutter in my mouth, I shouted at the top of my lungs,

"Rivers, don't jump!"

He looked stunned.

"Rivers, please. I love you!"

He's leaning, he's letting go.

He fell.

And fell.

But he didn't hang.

He continued to fall.

How long was his rope?

But then the rope fell off and he fell into the water.

I then saw a puff of pink were he was standing.

"Natsuki..." I paused, "You killed him! How could you!". I ran to her, and I choked her until she was purple. But she had just enough energy to croak, "Look on the other side of the bridge...".

I let go and threw her to the ground. I then walked to the other side and at first saw nothing. But then I saw a thin beach leading into a cave. But then I heard crying, turning into whimpering.

I saw Rivers.

"Natsuki, I'm so sorry! You saved him! But how?" I told her as I helped her up.

"There's a cave under the water. The surf was so big it would push him all the way to the other side."

I walked to the beach and saw Rivers.

He was in really bad shape. He was crying on the ground. The needles left his arms, but because of the force of the water, it slashed both his forearms.

He also had thin cuts across his wrists, and I think that's where the blood on the paper came from.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I don't deserve you... don't worry, I'll go back and make sure I do it right..." he said in jumbles.

"No, you're not. I love you so much." I told him.

I gave him a big hug and held him in my arms for a second. He limped back to the car. And everyone was happy he was alive. Except Natsuki. She was silent.

Except for one thing.

"Guys, I think he overdosed."


	6. You're Free

Heroin overdose.

If you keep reading, you'll figure out that was the easy part.

Because there's an antidote.

We saw his yellowing skin, sweaty palms, and seemingly loss of pain. We threw him in the car and sped off, me, Natsuki, and Rivers in mine, and Yuri in Rivers's car.

I googled a hospital in Rosarito.

He was babbling in the back seat. Very few of those words were actually intelligible. Something about knives and moms.

We drive past the tiny freeway, through the streets of Rosarito and we reach the emergency room.

I drag him in and set him down.

I don't know Spanish. Rivers does.

Natsuki googled how to say certain words on the way here, enough to tell the lady at the front the situation: suicide attempt, heroin overdose.

The lady ran inside and got the nurse, who brought a stretcher. She hauled Rivers onto it and sped off.

The half hour I waited was the worst of my life. I didn't know whether my love, one of the only reasons I don't blast myself every day, would be alive. My reason to keep going, keeping shooting the craps that is life.

But then Natsuki popped me out of my bubble.

"Where's Yuri?"

And that's when it struck me. Yuri was alone in Rivers's car. She had control over where to go.

And she was withdrawing from heroin.

It doesn't sound right.

And that's when she walked in. Seemingly normal, for a second. But she was slower. Calmer.

"Hey, Sayori. Question: Where are we in Mexico?" she asked.

"Baja California, why?" I responded.

"No reason. Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." she commented.

And I felt weird.

Like she was covering something up.

I decided to follow her. Weird, but hey, we're both girls. I walk in and I hear a sound, like a really big inhale.

I saw someone in there and I do something I'm not really proud of. I slowly open the door and I see her. Holding a plate with a pill bottle and a few white powdery lines.

I don't wanna tell you too much, but I threw the pills down the toilet and fought her in the bathroom. It was very close, but I knocked her out just as she knocked my tooth out.

Dammit.

I decided to just throw her on the floor and go back.

"Why the hell are you so bruised?" Natsuki asks.

"Don't ask," I responded.

"Well, I did," she retorts, "so answer—"

Then the doctor came through and walked over to us.

"So, I have good news and bad news..."

"What is it?" I ask impatiently.

"We were able to stop his overdose with an antidote called naloxone. So, he's not close to dying at all."

We both cheer. "Can I see him?" I ask.

"That's the bad news,"

"What do you mean?"

"The heroin brought out underlying mental problems..."

"Like what?" Natsuki asks, very confused.

"Psychosis, trauma, depression..." the doctor responded, "Honestly, from where you guys live, it's amazing he came to Rosarito instead of killing himself in his home."

That brought me back to his note. Clementine. That's why he came to Mexico. So that she and I would never know.

"So what does have to do with anything? He remembers me, right?" I asked, snarkily.

"Yes, but he doesn't want you to come. A big symptom of psychosis, especially when there's trauma, is that the person will corollate their fears to people that didn't hurt them."

"Simple, please?" Natsuki snapped.

"Basically, he thinks either you want to kill him or want him to kill himself." he told me.

"How?" I sadly asked.

"We don't know. He says something about a girl. We think he might be imagining it, or even hallucinating, which would make sense if he has psychosis."

I grabbed him and shook him.

"What does he say?" I ask loudly.

After he straightens up, he told me, "We're not sure. We have made out a few words. And he can still write. Here, he wanted me to give this to you."

Then he walked away.

I sat down and read the paper.

It was a poem.

It read,

Stop Whispering

I can hear you through the door

I can hear you through the window

I can hear a one-tune, half-assed melody being played with a piano and a lone chair violinist.

I tell you to stop whispering, but you start shouting.

I tell you to stop shouting, but you start whispering.

I tell you she loves me, you tell me she wants me dead.

I saw a girl with white bows in her hair, shouting at me.

I'm nothing. I'm the reason the game happened. We're the reason why forty-nine children died in a shooting at a religious camp.

When will it be enough?

When can I just puke my sad thoughts out

Like a bottle of shitty vitamins

When they won't just take you to the damn otherside?

I'm too scared to hang myself.

I'm too sensitive to shoot myself.

I'm too lovestruck to leave her.

I guess love is the only force stronger

Than knives, shotguns, and heroin.

Maybe if Kurt Cobain had been truly loved

He could've survived like me too.

I saw a girl in a black shirt and black pants, crying for her mother.

I'm thinking in rainbows right now.

But I really hope you still love me.

Now the voices are shouting at me. Telling me I'm a lie.

I deserve to die.

Why, what did I ever do to you?

If I do die, I swear I'll be with you.

No one deserves to be with a psychotic depressed shit.

Sad because my family died.

I lied to Clem for three years.

They would be home in two days.

But they haven't been home in three years.

I went with them to a hair salon when a gunman shot my parents and seven others.

When they weren't looking, I tripped them and took both their guns.

I forced them to drive me to their house.

And I walked in.

I told them what happened.

They went to jail.

But their last brother.

A few days later, I was walking to the ice cream shop. He grabbed me and punched me until I was knocked out.

I found myself behind a tree with a knife to my throat. I would have gotten decapitated weren't it for a lone hiker killing this guy and walking me home.

He asked me where my parents were.

I told them I didn't have any.

I hate the world.

I hate myself.

I only loved you.

Monika took that away from me.

That poem. It made clear sense.

He is hallucinating.

And Monika is what he's seeing.

And a little girl.

He saw Libitina.

The girl with the Third Eye.

Crying, because she wanted her mom.

But, they killed her instead.

I couldn't stand it.

I snuck into the back with the doctor rooms when the front desk lady wasn't looking. I looked in some windows.

I finally saw a room with a carving in the window.

IN RAINBOWS.

I opened the door and saw a room with Rivers. He was holding crayons and coloring rainbows on the walls.

It took him a few seconds to notice me in the room.

When he did, he just looked at me.

But I heard him start to breath harder and back into a corner.

"What are you doing? What are you doing?" he repeatedly mumbled to himself.

"Please don't kill me... please don't kill me..." he started mumbling again.

I took his hand in mine. "Rivers, I'm not gonna ki—"

"Yes, you will! You want me dead!" he yelled.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"She told me! Plain and simple."

I just sat down next to him. I grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Look at me. If I didn't love you, I would've killed myself by now. You're practically the only thing that keeps me alive."

He just sat there.

And didn't say anything. I just sat next to him, and he laid his head on my shoulder.

And he fell asleep.

But he asked me before he fell asleep,

"Florida-made honey?"


	7. Nirvana

I woke up with a doctor flipping out at me. Saying how I'm not supposed to be in here.

Sleeping side by side with my boyfriend.

So, I just waited in the front.

At one in the morning, me and Natsuki both fell asleep in the lobby.

My dream was weird.

There were two kids in a lake. They were cliff jumping. One of them played a tune on a guitar. The other said, "Come on, Gerald!" and pushed him off the cliff.

Funny, but then it switched.

I saw the same two kids older, with a trunk popped open. They were loading guns and bombs. The other kid, holding a shotgun, said "Come on, Gerald!" and ran into the school.

Then I woke up to Natsuki.

"Hey, lover girl, look who's there." she told me in a rude voice.

I saw Rivers, in his iconic outfit: a blue sweater, blue jeans, and blue armcuffs. The doctor was telling him stuff and handed him a pill bottle. It looked like the pills Yuri was snorting. Speaking of Yuri, she's shaking and trying not to cry next to Natsuki.

I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. He's alive! After all he's been through.

He hugs me back. And whispers, "Hey,".

We all cheer. Except for Yuri, who starts crying. We all walk outside, we had to drag Yuri, but we're all happy our beloved club member is alive and well.

The drugs were antipsychotics to help alleviate some symptoms. The doctor said that once he finished the bottle, taking only one pill a day, he should be happy again. He also said in the meanwhile, I should watch over him, especially while driving, since I guess suicidal ideation can come back at any time. He seemed happy.

Natsuki cheered, "Yay, we can finally go home!"

"Wait," Rivers chimed in, "but we're in Rosarito!"

"So?" Natsuki retorted.

"Let's have fun here!" I blurted.

We decided let's have fun here, turn this into a Literature Club vacation, we four hunky-dorys having fun in Rosarito. We can just forget about the suicide.

Rivers is pretty much the guy with say, since, you know, he's the guy who was born, raised until he was 7, here. We first go to this taqueria on the main road. It had the best carne asada tacos ever. The chef was kind of hitting on me though, and I know that Rivers knew, because when he was washing his hands, he pulled the chef over to the side and mumbled angrily at him in Spanish. I don't know what he said, but it was probably something about me.

Before he got back, I decided to pull something on Rivers, just as a fun trick. I got a bigger surprise for him later. I put a chili pepper labeled as 'caliente' and put it in his taco.

He came back and took the bait. I was waiting to see red, but he didn't even hyperventilate.

"Tasty. Needs more peppers though." he says, and puts another pepper on his taco.

I was amazed how he survived. We bought some Coronas at the liquor store, since hey, the legal age of drinking here is eighteen, so go fish, I guess.

We picked a spot at the beach, and we all drank one, even Yuri, and it seemed to help.

We talked about funny memories, told jokes, listened to some music.

We did that up until it got dark.

We decided to go to a hotel and sleep there. We'll head back in the morning.

We rented a super nice room with the money we pooled for cheap. Two rooms with beds plus a living room with pull out couches. And there were TVs in every room except the bathroom.

Rivers immediately called dibs on the biggest bed.

"But I wante—" Yuri started to protest.

"Dude! He called dibs. You can't just fuck with dibs like that!" Natsuki chastised loudly.

"Man, I kinda wanted that room too..." I quietly said.

"I can always move to the other room," Rivers consoled.

"Well, you can come with too.." I sweetly added.

Immediately the others were oohing me.

"Don't be too loud, I like sleeping!" Natsuki said.

"Well, I can't promise that..." I joked.

"Yeah, a lot of Netflix is gonna be watched. That Captain Underpants series is legit!" Rivers chimed.

"So, you guys gonna get to Netflix and chilling or what?" she snarkily commented.

"It's not even like that, Natsuki!" I snapped, and I went to the bathroom to change into some sleeping clothes.

It's my instinct to bring sleeping clothes on long trips, and I brought sleeping clothes, thank god. The reason I packed my sleeping shirt that says "Major Cutie Reporting For Duty" is still unknown. Rivers always finds it funny when I wear cute stuff like that. He calls me a 'cinnamon bun', which I'm totally cool with, but I still don't know why he says that. Do I look like one? Is my personality a cinnamon bun? Is it other, less family-friendly reasons? I don't know.

Then I change into red shorts and step out.

The little fridge has everything you need to be happy in it. It has little Mexican Sprites, some popcorn bags, and candy. I haul a lot of it into the room, where Rivers is taking the pills the doctor gave him and turning on Netflix. He doesn't change, but he doesn't really seem to care.

I tried sneaking past them, because they'll jack most of my snacks.

But it doesn't work.

I end up losing half of my snacks to Natsuki.

Yuri is in the bathroom. I think she took a pen or something in there.

And then I hear the moans that prove my fears.

I rush into the room. I close and lock the door.

Rivers is already chilling in front of the TV, he rolls over and laughs.

"Hey, cinnamon bun." he greets as I enter.

I use my best anime girl voice as a joke, "Hey, senpai!", and we just crack up so hard. We set our snacks, which consist of four Sprites, three bowls of popcorn, and a random assortment of candy. I plop down on the bed next to him and watch some TV. We binge watch the Captain Underpants show, which is really funny. Go watch it on Netflix now. But anyhow, after we were done, we started watching a movie called Happy Gilmore. It's about this wannabe hockey player turned golf hero.

"You know, I want to be the hero of something else.." I whisper to him.

He doesn't get it.

I kiss him on the lips to give him the idea.

He seems to get it as he turns down the TV.

He coos like a pigeon in a seductive manner.

And this was the moment I was waiting for.

Why?

You see, at the beach, we didn't get too far.

Um... like... he didn't pop my cherry.

We just got too tired to get there.

I wanted him to do that. To be the one.

And here is my chance.

We started making out. And then it started. I was dry humping him, nice and slow. I took off his shirt around the same time he rolled over on me.

"Dang it, I'm not that strong," I said to him softly.

He rips off my shirt, and we get off. I roll back on top just as he got my pants off.

"Guess I won," he cheers, very quietly.

Eventually, we're both naked and the fun begins. He begins thrusting me, softly at first, but then a little harder, a little harder. I try not to moan, but eventually I do. It feels so damn good. I flipped him over, for like the fourth time.

"Now it's my turn..." I whisper in his ear.

He coos like a pigeon again.

I ride him, very slowly. But then faster, and faster. Until I felt something.

I cry out in pleasure as I realize he popped my cherry. But we don't stop.

We go faster. I'm moaning so hard.

"Rivers, I'm gonna cum!" I sort of yell too loud.

I can feel Natsuki waking up.

"I think I am too!" he calls out. And now I know Natsuki is waking.

He pulls out of me literally just in time: just as he... um... shot his load across my naked body, just as I shot out one last moan of pleasure.

"Dammit, now the cinnamon bun needs to take a shower!" I playfully tease him. Then I get up and go take a shower.


	8. The Cutest Couple

(Rivers view)

After the whole weekend thing. I leave for school. Everyone treated

me... normal. Like the other one. The teachers knew I still had three detentions to make up, and I swear I wanted to tell them, "Sorry, I just tried killing myself this weekend, oh, silly me!", but because I'm so nice, I kept my mouth shut.

I guess I'm supposed to sit in that room for three hours on Friday.

What am I supposed to do in there? I've never gotten a detention before.

Sayori sits next to me in third period Science. It's pretty much the only time I get to talk to her besides the club. I tell her how I have three detentions. For some reason, she says, "Oh, I can come with you!".

Before I can protest, Sayori stands up and says to the teacher, "Mr. Sayamin...um...you're an asshole!"

The whole class gasps and laughs.

I saw a flicker of anger and sudden confidence in Sayori, who then shouts, "Everyone in the class agrees!" and turns around saying, "Right guys?"

Four people stand up and woot, which provokes more people to stand up, leading to more wooting. One of them is Natsuki, who sits at the very back right corner, usually reading manga or something.

I stand up, because hey, I'm stupid and contagious. And I'm the one who yells "Pinkerton" out, leading to virtually everybody standing there shouting the word 'Pinkerton' over and over.

With me and Sayori leading this little rebellion of teen spirit, we all walk out of the classroom and yell "Pinkerton" over and over.

But I think Natsuki took it too far, when she kicked a trash can and it banged against a locker, which provoked more people.

Pause for a second. You probably want some context. You see, Bryan Sayamin is a teacher at Southlake High. He got caught two months ago watching porn on his laptop after a malfunction happened, causing the stuff to be shown in his entire class. Me and Sayori were there when it happened. But then when they reviewed

his history, they found files called , which led to a ton of dickpics and even creepier, a hacked camera in the girl's locker

room, which, unconvieniently, was recorded in 5th period. The exact same period that Sayori was in. It was also found in the

other pictures in the Pinkerton files that one of the pictures he downloaded and beat off to was Sayori. I wanted to kick that guy's ass for treating her like that.

I remember the day Sayori came to me so angry when the truth about the Pinkerton files came out. I've never seen her so angry

with anybody in my life.

I digress. The worst part, was that he wasn't fired. He was taken off a large chunk of his paycheck, but he taught still, because he didn't actually sexually harass a student.

Back to the story, Natsuki kicked a trash can.

All hell breaks loose.

Another classroom gets up and leaves to join the riot.

We're all shouting Pinkerton. For some reason, everyone looked to me and Sayori, the normal cutest couple, the ones who sit together always at lunch, the sunshiny, cute girl, and the loud maladroit

of a guy. They look to both of us to keep the fire on, to fuel this revolt.

Sorry, that's the poetry and antipsychotics talking.

Three more classes jump in as we walk from our building, the 600s, to the main building.

A good 300 students by now have now amassed. Everyone has started to become super rowdy. Kids are shouting, "Fuck Pinkerton!" as the couple at the face, that's us, walk into the

main building, towards the office.

About 50 to 100 more students have amassed to join.

It's so loud, the principal himself, Mr. Mangrift, a guy who looks like he belongs on death row more than he belongs in Orange County, walks out.

He shouts to the group of about 400 students, a third of the student population at Southlake, "What is going on here?", in a very loud, gruff, and angry tone of voice.

I tell him in a calm voice, almost smirking, "We're here for Pinkerton.", and everyone starts shouting.

He summoned Sayamin himself to the building. When he walks in, people boo and yell and shout, "Fuck Pinkerton!"

Sayori announces, "We demand you have him fired."

Natsuki springs up to the front, shouting, "Yeah!"

"He has done nothing wrong. We cannot fire him. Now return IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR CLASSE—"

That's when I snap on him, getting very close to his face.

"Nothing wrong? This fucking creep videotaped a high school locker room with minor girls in there. Very few were over 18, and even if they were, they didn't consent. My fucking girlfriend was one of those people. You say he did nothing wrong, bullshit!"

And Sayori chimed in, "You know, voyeurism, especially with minors, is illegal in the state of California and Orange County as well."

The principal plays the childish card, "How do you know?"

Sayori responds with undoubtedly the funniest joke ever made in a riot.

"I don't know, I just Googled this shit..."

And everybody starts bawling laughing. But the principal was not happy.

"You know what, I'm gonna call the police and have you two put away." he said in a dark, ominous tone.

Everybody was yelling and angry. When he pulled out his phone and called the police, me and Sayori both grabbed it and ran into the nearest bathroom. We locked ourselves in a bathroom stall and made the call.

"911, what's your emergency?" the SBPD dispatcher asked.

Sayori went first.

"Hi, we'd like to report a major incident in Southlake High School."

I explained to them everything.

At the last second, we heard on the door.

"Please, I admit everything! I covered up the Pinkerton files. It's just that Mr. Sayamin gives the school a bonus because his test scores are above average!"

"And..." Sayori called out, thinking that there was something else.

"Okay, he showed me a few of his pictures."

"Of who?" I asked.

He goes off the list. And one catches my ear.

Sayori Delarosa.

The dispatcher said, "Okay, we'll be there shortly."

I opened the door and said.

"Okay, now give me back my phone."

"Nope!" Sayori taunted as she backed off and scrolled down his

picture roll.

She saw a picture of herself changing. She just stood there in sadness and confusion.

Meanwhile, the principal got louder and louder. I was starting to go on edge.

Then he does something that sets me off.

He grabs her by the red ribbon around her neck and yells one more time, making her drop the phone.

He got pushed to the triggered real quick. He lifted his hand, presumably to smack her, and that's when my instincts kicked in. After what happened when I was 8, I promised myself I would never let anyone hurt anyone I love. Especially someone who just stood up for themselves and did something right.

I heard it in the background. Someone played that song by The Offspring. What was it called? Self Esteem? Wish I had some, but I don't. I love that song, and a lot of people know I like it. Me and Sayori are seen as the cute couple, but still, they know at least I'm depressed. I don't think Sayori is, or she wants to know that I am. She thinks it was the heroin. I wanna keep it that way for her sake.

At least once a week I played this song, or a Nirvana song, or a

Radiohead song.

That song explains my feelings. How I used to have it in life.

That riff charged me. And it that split second, I jumped at him and punched him in the face. He stumbled back, so then I punched him again, and he fell against the wall. Sayori jumped in and banged his head against the mirror.

You can add smart and violent to the list of things I like about Sayori. Hey, you can't really top a girl who can give a good geniune passionate ass-whooping (not like that, this is not Natsuki's boyfriend's poem).

Three more people jump in to fight this guy, but I'm still the main one. I grab him by the neck and smash his face against the sink, screaming "Bleed, bitch, bleed!", and in a remarkable force of true teen spirit, everyone yells that phrase for about fifteen seconds, where Sayori, Natsuki, and I set him, barely breathing, muttering random convoluted phrases, on his principals chair.

In crayons, which I had in my backpack, I drew the words 'Fuck Pinkerton' on the wall and drew some rainbows next to the words. I then drew a picture that was probably the biggest symbol used to express at this school.

I drew a man hanging from a California flag.

Under the banner by the hanging man I wrote: "A New California".

I also took his PA and put his paperweight on the on button. Then I took the recording someone took of the principal admitting and put

it in for everyone to hear. We then all walked to the front of the school and waited for the cops to come.

We kept Sayamin locked in the closet so he couldn't escape.

It was so funny, like a movie. Everyone stood in front of the stairs, with me and Sayori the only two on the stairs. I felt like we were being put on the spot, but she grabbed my hands and kissed me.

We both kissed each other as everyone cheered. Then the cops pulled up and we showed them around.

We showed them the proof, and they found Sayamin and the principal. Probably the greatest act of teen spirit in Orange County and maybe even California ended with two crooked educators being moved into police cruisers.

The officers waved to all of us, and said, "Return to your classes, and have a great day!"

And for the first time, everyone was happy to comply. But then the lunch bell rang so everyone walked in to get their lunch.

Except us.

There's a rule that says seniors can leave and get their lunch somewhere else outside during the lunch hour.

Me and Sayori left hand in hand.

"Hey, wanna go to the Wendy's?" she asks.

"Sure..." I respond timidly, "I forgot to bring money though."

"It's cool, I got you..." she says, "and, you know, the bathrooms are relatively clean..."

"So?" I wonder awkwardly

"Um... you know, we could always go there and you know, sneak in a quick one if you're down..."

I sit there for a second blankly, then coo like a pigeon.

She's been really horny recently.

I don't know why.

I'm not sure you want the rundown of Burger King.

But, I need to fill up story space.

So, we go.

And we immediately sneak into the 'restroom', no gender, when nobody's looking.

It's a single restroom. We found a little 'Out of Order' door sign and set that on the handle.

I playfully shoved her a bit, and she takes off her skirt, and my pants. She pushes me on the toilet.

"I can tell you're getting horny." she playfully teases me. She has her white shirt with the chest pocket, and soon that's off too. Soon enough, we're both naked. She gets down on her knees and starts blowing me off.

I try not to cum. She can somehow tell.

"Oh zam, I knew you were horny, but I didn't know you were that horny." Sayori says, surprised.

"Shit, looking at you, I'm hornier than Ron Jeremy." I tell her.

I stand up and push her on the space between the back of the toilet seat. To where she's in a sitting position, but I'm standing, and we're both the same as standing.

I find that sweet spot, and when I do, it's just like surfing. Pumping in and out, chasing that pocket.

I get lost in the clouds.

Oh man, she's moaning like crazy right now.

"Uh...fuck me harder... please!" she moans.

I go faster. And faster.

But I got tired. And she knew too.

Because she sat me down on the toilet and started riding me. She's

moaning and now I am too. I'm so damn amazed how this beautiful goddess of a person actually likes me, and actually stays with me. She's so damn hot. Just her face, her smile, the shape of her. Nah, screw that, Ed Sheeran has nothing on her.

I mutter out, "You're so damn thick..."

She doesn't seem offended.

I think she actually found that funny. She's moaning so loud.

You know, Buddhists spend their lives trying to achieve nirvana. The release from all pain.

And I just found it.

She caresses me and kisses my neck as she goes.

"Rivers, I think I'm gonna blow out again."

I pull out and we just sit there for a moment.

Let things cool down. I shot up in the toilet just in time. I was about to get my clothes.

But she got back on and we went some more.

She literally is wearing nothing but her red bow and her white stockings. She just never got around to taking them off.

I love her red bow. It makes her look so innocent. Especially now, it's just like, she looks so innocent, but just, common sense. Especially right now.

Her coral pink hair hasn't moved at all.

She's moaning really loud.

"Rivers, fuck me, fuck me harder, please...please!"

And I oblige. Thrusting her so hard, she screeches and moans at the very same time.

"Rivers, I just came!" she shouted, "But, like, I don't wanna stop."

We go for maybe another five minutes before I pulled out and put on my clothes. I just can't stop admiring the beauty of her. She put her clothes on.

"Let's grab some grub to go, we're gonna be late!" she says.

I hope Kurt Cobain won't mind.

Because I just found nirvana.

Look, I'm sorry for the cringy joke.


	9. Look at Me!

I went to the Literature Club the day after the riot.

Ms. Armanitas is our new principal, so now we need two teacher replacements.

Overnight, everyone knows me and Sayori, the couple who started a riot. We became the most popular kids. At lunch, Sayori went to kick it with the most popular girls in school. I, however, went alone as I went to the Wendy's (yeah, the same, I just wanted a damn burger) to grub out.

Nine seniors caught up with me and wanted to come with me.

"I guess, but pay for your shit." I told them.

We all sat down and ate off value menu, since it's more stuff for less.

One guy had to take a shit. He went into the bathroom, and of the three open bathrooms he could've picked, he picked the one where I went yesterday.

When he came out, he grimaced.

"What?" another dude asked.

"There was white stuff on the floor by the toilet."

I don't wanna tell them. So I just whistle Cielito Lindo.

"Rivers, don't tell me you beat off in there." the bathroom guy said.

"No, gentlemen. I'm not at stupid as Stevie, over here." I respond.

Stevie jerks off constantly. Even the teachers know, one time when he wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom, he jerked off and came in class!

"Then what happened?"

"Alright, if we can keep this here, because if you don't I'll beat your ass... me and Sayori went here yesterday."

They pieced it together.

"Holy cow. You guys fucked in the bathroom. And you actually came?"

In a fancy tone of voice, "Bro, I came twice. But I'm Mexican and she's hot as fuck, so it's okay."

The guy in a red shirt mutters quietly, "I know, right..."

I couldn't believe it. Calmly, I said, "come on, let's go to the parking lot.

They seemed confused, but they did it anyway.

When we arrived in the parking lot. I glanced around for a second.

"Square up," I told that red shirt kid.

"What?" he responded.

"I'm giving you 15 seconds to square up."

He didn't catch the message until second 13, where he put up his weak fists, thumb in his hand, which is a sure way to break your thumb.

I punched him. I told everyone not to jump in, this was my fight.

He tried punching wildly, and he got one good one to my face, but soon he was bleeding on the pavement.

I quietly but angrily told him, "Don't you ever fucking talk about my girlfriend in that way again."

I then picked him up and dusted him off and in a friendly manner, told him, "But, hey, we're cool now."

That's my law I always adhere to when I fight. If I win, I pick the loser up and tell him that we're cool, no hard feelings. I'll stick up for you if need be, but don't push like that.

I walk with him back to the school, where everybody knew about the fight.

Including Sayori.

She was not happy with me.

I tried telling her I was defending her.

But it didn't work.

She's now pissed at me.

I end the day and just walk home. She probably doesn't want me there. I already dropped off my poem, so I can just go home and relax.

(Another fourth wall note: sorry for the short chapter, it's a two part series)


	10. Scarlet Begonias

I waited for Natsuki to bring her cupcakes to the club.

When she came, she was empty handed, though?

"I didn't have enough batter..." she said, quietly.

Yuri was on the floor reading a horror book about a school shooting. No matter how much I try to persuade her otherwise, maybe read something about seals or literally anything else, but nope, she picks a school shooting book.

Rivers isn't here.

He dropped off his poem and left.

I'm not really happy with him right now, so it's not that bad. He always has to fight someone whenever they do the slightest thing wrong.

Everyone reads their poem. Then we just sit there and talk.

Then the strangest thing happens.

A girl with a white bow in her brown hair walks into the room. Her emerald green eyes shine in the light.

She looks just like Monika.

"Hey, is this the Literature Club?" the girl asks.

"Yeah, why?" I respond.

"Um, I'm new here, and I thought I might've wanted to join!", she happily announces.

"Well, come in and check it out!" I say as I walk her in. I give her the tour and introduce her to everybody.

"So, this is Natsuki, who loves manga!"

"But this is a literature club, right?" the mystery girl asks.

"Well, manga is literature!" Natsuki angrily retorts.

"No, it isn't!" Yuri calls out from across the room.

"Guys, don't argue. Please..." I say in a calm voice. It works.

I introduce Yuri.

"This is Yuri, who's totally sunny! And would never read a book about a school shooting!"

"You know what? Fuck you, Sayori," she insults as she storms off to the other side of the room.

"And I'm Sayori." I introduce myself.

"Hi! My name's Monika!" she happily says.

"Wait, Monika?" Natsuki asks.

"Yep, that's me!"

I give her a big hug.

"It's so great to have you back!"

Yuri calls out again, "Fucking yandere!"

"I don't know you... any of you. It's my first day here!" she awkwardly says.

"Sorry, it's just we used to have a club president named Monika, and she looked just like you..." I awkwardly respond, "well, anyhow, welcome to the club! We write poems and read and talk—"

"You guys write poems?" she happily shouts. "I love poems!"

"We also sometimes make food and eat it here, you should try our friend Rivers's waffles—"

"Wait, Rivers?" she asks. "Rivers Sanchez?"

"Yeah..." I respond. Things are starting to get weird, "He's my boyfriend."

Her facial expression darkens.

"Well, I wrote a poem! Can I share it?" she asks.

"Sure!" I respond.

"She's a yandere!" Yuri shouts.

"Shut up, Yuri." Natsuki chastises.

It's about how someone tries to pursue a lover. Hey, at least it's cool.

Rivers wasn't here to read his poem, so I just left it.

But at the end, curiosity got the better of me. I picked it up and read it.

It had three titles.

Maladroit/Dope Nose/Keep Fishin'

Burn it, shoot it, inhale it.

Anyway you wanted me to

My life is like an underpass

Where the sun don't shine

Soon after I feel the rush

We're on the bathroom floor

Doing some shit last week was reserved for my girl

You were the yandere who stole my heart with a shank in your hand

And you won.

At least I have you.

A powdery, fluffy friend I can always rely on.

If you want to destroy my sweater, you can.

In fact, you can keep it.

Your beautiful button nose glistens a soft white in the light.

The rainbows are always seven miles away.

But my heart will always be here.

Sugar never felt this nice.

Not even when I chugged three bottles of Mountain Dew

and hopped on to Fortnite and got my first Victory Royale.

So let's keep fishing.

So we can just get lost

In the dark.

On the table.

Your exhale spoiled my damn tacos!

What the hell?

I take it home.

I need to understand this poem. He doesn't make any sense.

 _Or maybe it makes too much sense, you idiotic shit._

"Shut up, me.", I say out loud.

I take it home and set it on the table. I sit down and reread it.

I start with the titles.

I get two of them. A maladroit is an idiot, and dope nose, well, means tweaker. I don't get the idea of 'Keep Fishing'.

He talks about this girl.

And I feel jealous.

Is he cheating on me?

But, going back to the first line.

 _Burn it. Shoot it. Inhale it._

Those are all ways of doing drugs.

And I'm worried.

Because the rest of the poem makes sense with the drug meaning.

He feels something.

This girl, could be drugs, or could just be his imagination.

A powdery, fluffy friend? That raises so many red flags.

I grab Mr. Cow and I walk next door.

I knock on the door, and it takes a solid minute for him to answer.

He seems very tired.

Extremely tired.

"Hey...", he says sadly, "...come to flip out at me?"

"Can I stay over?"

"Sure, why not? No parental guardians have set foot in this house for eight years."

I come in and sit down. We end up playing video games and he seems to lighten up.

We go out for burgers with Clementine, because she's a big fan of them, then we just sit around watching this movie called To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

"That guy's a dick!" Rivers says to us.

I give him a look that says, _Bro, you know your seven-year-old sister is right here, right?_

I can tell he knows, because he says, "Oh, trust me, she doesn't mind."

Anyways, we forgot about that poem entirely.

I slept in his bed with him, again, and you know, we made out a little, okay, a lot, and we were about to do it, but then we got tired and fell asleep.

Good night.


	11. On the Looper

(Rivers again...)

I wake to Mr. Cow looking directly at me. I punch that thing and pop quickly up.

Sayori isn't here in the bed.

My bottle of antidepressants sit nicely on my nightstand.

They've done wonders. Trust me.

What if she's taken some?

What if she knows the truth about them?

Was my poem too straightforward?

I walk downstairs and see Clem playing PUBG on her PlayStation.

"Dude, do you know this is a Fortnite house?"

"Well, I'm just playing it! God!" she reacts.

"I'm only kidding!"

"Yeah, right!"

So I walk away and go back to my bedroom. I decide, you know, play some GTA and chill out.

She eventually comes back 20 minutes later.

"Good morning." I tell her.

"Hey!" she responds.

"Wanna play this game?" I ask.

We end up playing the game. I closed and locked the door, because GTA is so violent, and, you know, just in case.

I just walk to the kitchen, make some breakfast, what we all love: waffles, eggs, and bacon. And some orange juice.

I pop a pill and chow down. I honestly hate the taste of my own food, but they all like it, so I make it for them. Clem and Sayori talk a lot, and I just lean back and play some Geometry Dash.

I eventually head to the upstairs bathroom.

I lock the door. I sit in the bathtub, and grab a bag of premade mix I made. Some of the pills, crushed with a hammer, and laid out in single dose bottles.

I stashed them under the sink.

I grab two bottles. I might pull something risky.

I pull them out. There's a pile of powder in the tub.

I grab some paper I brought and write a poem.

I'm Tired.

I'm tired.

I'm done.

I do everything I can for the world.

And what do I get?

Nothing.

I give my love and life to others.

Absolutely. Fucking. Nothing.

Monika tells me she's using me.

It's okay.

I love being abused.

I live for it.

Well, I'm dumb.

But I'm not a dweeb.

I just got no self-esteem.

And, remember, fuck Pinkerton!:)

And then my body gives out, and the last thing I feel is the rush of blood to the head as my head hits the ground.

I wake up in the same position.

Thank god, Sayori didn't find me.

I get up very painfully and walk over to my little basket in my room. It has thirty-four things in it. I call it my Basket Case.

As I put thing thirty-five in my Basket Case, Sayori walks in.

"Hey, what'cha got there?"

"Um..." I start hyperventilating, "...nothing!"

But she plucks it out of my hand and reads it.

I just stand there with my hands behind my back.

"Well, now you know."


	12. Baskets

(Sayori's view)

That brown case. A basket.

Thirty-four notes.

He stands there, trying not to cry.

"This is my Basket Case. I started it about two years ago."

He digs around, and he grabs a red envelope.

He opens it and hands it to me.

December 18, 2015.

To whomever is reading this,

It's my 16th birthday. I gave myself the gift of sweet release. According to some research, 126 gummy vitamins should be enough to saw me off.

I took 140.

I love you. I really do.

But I can't go on.

So, goodbye.

Rivers Sanchez.

I wanted to cry.

He already was crying.

"The truth is, ever since I was eight, I had depression. This isn't even my first Basket Case." he choked out.

"What?" I asked, caught off guard.

"I had three other Basket Cases. I first tried to kill myself by dehydration when I was nine. My mom forced me to drink water on the second day, though."

He seemed so calm about his suicides.

He went out of the room and came back with three more baskets.

He wrote a note for each of them.

Two hundred and five.

I counted two hundred and five different suicide attempts.

"Just, why? You had so much to live for." I told him.

"Sayori, be honest with me. Why do you like me?" he asked me.

I couldn't explain. I couldn't say. I honestly liked him from the day we met, but I never asked why.

"Well, I always thought you were so funny and obnoxious. Well," and that's when I stuttered.

"...you gave me hope." I told him.

"How is a depressed creep giving you hope?"

"Honestly, I thought if we were together, maybe I'd have another reason to live..."

And, so that marked the day we both found out how depressed we were.

He tried falling asleep, and at this point, I don't stop him.

I just curl up on the bed next to him.

I fall asleep.

"What the hell is going on here?" Clem yelled.

I woke up to Clem yelling at us.

"We should've closed the door." he told me.

Eventually, Clem calms down and leaves.

We just sit there looking at each other.

We eventually just hug each other for about ten minutes.

I eventually go downstairs to make some lunch.

I suck at making breakfast, but I can at least make lunch items, like... um... okay, I can't, I just threw some vegetables in bread and fed it to everyone.

I want to feel normal, but I can't. How do you act happy when your love tried killing himself over 200 times? But he seems happy.

 _He's really good at hiding himself._

I know, because I do it too. Sometimes the rainclouds just don't fucking go away.

Well, sometimes... speaking of fucking...

Where the hell am I trailing off to?

We end up watching cartoons.

But I'm confused.

I don't want to leave him alone, because any addition to his Basket Case could be his last.

I need to go, because my clothes are at home and I have school tomorrow.

What do I do?

What do I do?


	13. Surf Wax Mexico

(Rivers view)

I go to school, sleep-deprived, hungry, and high.

I took some surf wax, the pills, that I crushed into powder, which I packed into my nose.

I rush to school in a grumpy mood.

My day passes by uneventfully.

But I get to the Literature Club.

A girl walks to me, "Hi! I'm Monika! You're Rivers, right?"

"Yeah... I thought you..." I stuttered.

"We met at the party, remember? Me and Evan and Sayori..."

I was very creeped out, but I forced myself to be nice.

I just don't understand. I thought Monika killed herself so Project Libitina would never happen.

The memories.

I hate those.

The girl screaming for the mother.

A child forced to die in a basement.

49 children in a nursery at a religious camp.

 _Nevermind_ , _happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts!_

That's what I tell myself every day.

Everyone seems chittery and happy, except, of course, Yuri, who's in the corner reading a book.

I sit next to her and talk.

"What's up?" she asks half-heartedly.

I hesitate for a few seconds, then I just sigh, "My life sucks."

"Can't say I haven't been there..." she says as she flips a page, "...or I'm not there now."

"I just don't get it. I feel like everyone hates me." I tell her.

"Well, I sure do."

"Oh, thanks, Yuri." I thank in a sarcastic manner.

"Are the antidepressants even working?" she asks after a few moments of silence.

"I don't know, I still hate myself."

"Well, how do you take them?"

Now, I could just lie and say I take one a day. But, for a split second, I look at Yuri, who I feel could just tell I'm lying. So I don't.

"I fucking inhale them." I say.

A bit too loudly, as Sayori and Natsuki both perk over to where I am.

So, as I do a bit too much, I book it out of the school.

But I don't go home.

I go to my friend Evan, who's dating Monika. I know a window he keeps open 24/7, so I hop the fence and get in.

"Who the fuck is there?" Evan yells.

"Bro, it's Rivers!" I call out. He comes in and sits down.

I tell him everything. I tell him about the drugs.

I tell him how Sayori now knows.

"Shit, man, that's harsh... want some pizza?" he asks.

I eat some pizza, but then I burst into tears on the couch. Luckily, Evan is a great guy, so he comforted me. I was just overwhelmed.

Sayori knows about the real me. The Basket Case. The drugs.

She probably doesn't wanna be with me anymore.

"She probably just wants to look out for you, man," he tells me.

"But how? How does anyone want to look out for someone like that?" I ask.

"Well, sometimes people just love each other that much, I mean, she did give you hea—" Evan explained.

"Dude! What does that have to do with that?"

"Nothing, just saying."

In a bad mood, I get out and walk home.

Clem says hi, but I don't listen. Back to my room, where I go to do some more surf wax, when who else do I see?

Sayori.

Waiting for me.

I feel like she's going to chase me at any point, so I run.

And in a spur, I find a window.

I punch the screen off and jump.

Because of how awkward I was when I landed, a searing pain flushed both my knees.

The last thing I see is Sayori looking out the window as I face plant on the pavement.

I come to and I see Sayori's face.

"Okay, we need to talk." Sayori tells me.

She walks me inside and to my room.

She sits me down on the bed. Then she sits down.

"How come?" she asks.

"How come what?" I respond.

"How come you snort these?" she asks, with a certain anger in her voice.

"I just get... upset sometimes..." I say, quietly."

"Upset?"

"Okay, I'm suicidally depressed! I want to kill myself! What do you think?" I practically shout.

She sits there in utter shock.

Then, she just walks out without a word.

Normally, she would try to help me more.

I guess not.

I guess she doesn't really love me anymore.


	14. Between Monika and Hell

I wake up already pissed.

The sun beckons me again, wanting me to go outside and drink some coffee.

"Fuck off, sun." I say out loud.

After I make Clem breakfast, I just go back to my room and lie down.

It's Saturday, right? You're supposed to be happy. You're supposed to be having fun.

Not me.

For Sayori's sake, I decided to take one pill a day again.

My bottle's already half gone and looking hot on the nightstand.

I throw the bottle in the closet. I'm too lazy on a normal basis to grab it, so it'll deter me.

I shut the door and look it.

Clementine doesn't need to see me like this. Now, dear reader, don't feel bad for me, but I truly have it hard. I have to take care of my sister on a Subway payroll. My girlfriend is about to leave me. I have a mental disorder.

I blow small things way out of proportion. I have to be perfect. I want to die.

Now do you understand why I turned to surf wax?

I just lie there and cry for a bit. I couldn't do anything else. I was too sad to play video games.

Sayori texted that she wanted to hang out, but I was too sad to answer.

I wanted to get up again, but I was shaking very hard from withdrawal.

I heard the Literature Club is gonna meet up at a coffee shop today or whatever.

I'm not gonna go.

It's hard to just put on a show of "I'm happy" when I'm not. So I don't try to. I care too much for others and what they think. It got me popularity, sort of, but not any happiness. I only ever got credibility for drawing a picture of what I want to do to myself every fucking day.

My tummy's very rumbly right now, churning, saying, "Feed me, retard!"

I don't. I push it down. Even farther down. Even farther down.

I cry some more. Then I grab a piece of rope I saved for a rainy day and set it on the pull-up bar smack dab in the middle of the room.

Now I'm pretty short at 5' 5" and 18 years old.

My ceiling is about 4 feet taller than me.

I grab a chair, once the rope is done. I put my neck through the rope. Literally, one second before I drop, I hear a knock on my window.

You see, my bedroom is upstairs, so I take off the necklace of rope around me and answer the window.

"I don't wanna talk, Sayori." I tell the unknown person.

"It's not Sayori," an obviously girl's voice calls back.

As I pull the curtain, she says, "It's Monika. Can I come inside?"

I open it and let her inside. She plops down on the bed.

"What happened?" she asks as I frantically hide the noose.

"Nothi—" I start.

"You tried to kill yourself, didn't you?" she interrupts.

"How did you know that?"

"I... I don't know. Rivers, something is very wrong with either me or the world."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I can see you and what you're doing nearly every day. I know what you had for breakfast."

"Nothing." we both say in unison.

"How?"

"Something. I think... I think we're back..."

"No, no, no, no, no." I say as I pace around the room, "Not the videogame. Not Doki Doki Literature Club."

"I don't know why, I've always known you, what you looked like. Same with the others. I know them."

"But why?"

"Well, react how you will, but... but... I like you, Rivers. I wanna be with you. One side tells me not to, but the other side tells me to push, keep fishing..."

"That's my line! What the heck?"

"I know."

"Can I use your laptop?" she asks.

"Sure."

She grabs it and types a few things.

"Oh, shi—"


	15. Only In Dreams

I wake sitting in a chair on a small house on a mountain peak.

There's icy tundra on one side and water on the other.

I'm sitting at a table, and Monika is on the other side.

"Wake up, sleepyhead..." Monika says as she gently strokes my face.

"Where am I..."

"I've always known you've always wanted to live in Alaska..." Monika says, sweetly, offering me some Sour Patch Kids. She has one of my favorite songs, "Why Don't You Get A Job" by The Offspring. She has my favorite dinner, Mountain Dew and burritos, on the table.

This is deeply creepy.

"Monika, what is this? What are you doing?"

"I made our most perfect reality."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I wanted to be with you. Real reality or this reality would never give me a happy ending. So I forced one. Our reality. Our reality, Rivers."

Then she grabs my sweater and pulls me in close.

"I NEED YOU."

I want to push her off the cliff, but this is a virtual reality. She'd come back up.

I was part sympathetic, part angry.

"Aren't you dating Evan?"

"You really think I like him? I don't even really know him. I just wanted to get with you. I was gonna break up with him yesterday."

"Damn, that's some cold shit..."

"But it doesn't matter. We have our nice reality here. In the mountains outside Juneau."

"Juneau, Alaska?"

"Yeah, why?"

I run and jump off the cliff toward Juneau. I want to get back to Sayori.

I realized the cliff wasn't 5 or 6 feet but more like 500 or 600 feet.

Right before I hit the bottom, though, I reappeared in my seat.

"Don't worry, buddy, suicide isn't part of this reality." Monika reassured me.

A part of me wants to stay here.

I love Alaska, this nice peaceful sky, a nice tiny house with WiFi and free burritos.

But I need to leave.

"Monika, you know I'm with Sayori..." I tell her.

"Oh, really now? Well, I hate to break it to you, buddy..." she respond.

She flips the laptop screen towards me and I am deeply traumatized by what I saw.

I have a friend named Lawrence in my math class.

He's tall, Asian, and super good at basketball.

Anyhow...

Sayori and Lawrence were doing it in the bathroom at school. And they were just going at it. Sayori was moaning, "Oh, you're so much better than Rivers!

I screamed, "Let me out, I'm gonna kill him!"

I was heartbroken. How could she? We normally mess around since we're next-door neighbors, shining flashlights in each other's windows, but not last night. _Where did she sleep last night? I don't remember her ever coming home._

"She slept at Lawrence's house, Rivers." Monika consoled, while she cupped her hand with mine.

Parts of me were so angry they joined with the parts of me that loved this reality.

And I did something I wasn't really proud of.

In my mind, I was super angry. How could she do that to me?

" _If she's gonna slap out with who she wants, I'll slap out with who I want."_

So, um... I ended up sleeping with Monika.

She took her clothes off and set me on the bed. She got on me and rode me hard.

She was moaning so loud, and I rolled over and thrusted her in.

She was practically begging me to give it to her harder.

I was wearing nothing, and she was only wearing her black tights and super large white bow.

I... ay ay ay, ended up coming in her.

I freaked out a bit, but she loved it and moaned even harder.

She picked up the laptop to make another hack, when a voice came from the laptop.

It was obviously Sayori's voice.

Monika immediately shut the laptop.

But Sayori could still see her.

"Monika, what are you doing?" she asked, "...and why are you naked?"

I hid under the bed, but I forgot to grab my clothes, and my wardrobe is pretty recognizable.

There was silence, then subtle tears, then loud tears.

"Rivers... why... how could you..." Sayori sobbed.

I wasn't having any of it. I stood up and dusted off.

"No, how could YOU? You slept with one of my best friends!"

"No, I didn't!" Sayori responded.

"Then tell me this, Sayori..." and in an angrier tone, "and don't you fucking dare lie to me... where did you sleep last night? Because I pulled an all-nighter and I never saw you that night."

She said in a quiet sobbing voice, "...Fine... I did. I slept with him... I'm so sorry..I'm so fucking sorry..."

She cried and soon I heard the cocking of a shotgun. She put it to the roof of her mouth...

"Sayori, no!"

BANG!

It was too late.

I saw her body on the grounds. From the background, it seems like she was in the pines behind the school.

I sat and cried on the ground.

Monika seemed to hear. Because she put on her clothes and sat next to me.

"Look, if it'll make you happy, maybe this will work...", she said. She hugged me, then plugged something else into the code.

And, we got whisked away again.


	16. Japanese Beauty, Mexican Psycho

We ended up on the side of the road outside of town.

Everyone else in the Literature Club was there, even Sayori.

Was I dreaming?

I looked up at the overcast sky. There's a forest on one side and a road on the other. I see a tag on top of my head.

It reads "Jonas".

We all have tags over our heads.

"Are we in a video game?" I asked Monika.

"Yes... But us two are the only playable characters."

Sayori gives me a salty look, so I can tell she's mad at me.

I read a small sign on the road.

"Wabasha, Minnesota"

We cross into the forest and walk for a long while when I realize I've been here. Some of my.. uh... European family lived over across the river in Wisconsin.

For some reason, Monika gave us all shotguns and pipe bombs.

"We're here!" Monika says, and I see a small gated town in the woods.

It seems like a place in the movies, but we hide our weapons and find a small hole and fit ourselves in.

When we go in, everything seems normal. Birds sing. Children play. Butterflies are pretty much fucking the flowers.

"We're looking for Libitina," Monika whispers in my ear.

We walk around for a bit and there's food, like cheese curds and pancakes.

As we're hungry, we sit down and order some food.

There's three tables we sit at with two seats each, and I got stuck with Sayori.

Sayori didn't talk to me. And I wanted to apologize, but my pride just didn't let me.

I eat when I realize how fast it was. Pancakes do not only take a few minutes to make.

"Guys, I think this shop hides something."

Monika agreed, so me, Sayori, and Monika snuck into the back.

We went down a few stairs, snooping past chefs.

We make it past the bottom.

There's a door. And it was...

LOCKED.

We ran upstairs and snuck again past chefs until we made it back.

We were served these pancakes.

And these were the shittiest pancakes I've ever had. They had weird brown stuff in it and it was half gooey.

It tastes meaty.

We ended up dining and dashing, because we're broke Asian kids (except me). This camp is set up with lots of buildings around a central circle, a statue of some guy. The date read April 29, 1988.

"This place came long in 1988, or are we in 1988?" I asked.

"We're in 2001," Yuri replied.

We keep walking.

"Where was she last time?" I asked Monika.

"Somewhere underground."

Then this husband and wife saw us and invited us to dinner.

At the town square.

They were both wearing the same thing.

In fact... everyone was wearing the same thing.

We saw a glimpse of the woods, and what seemed like a door on the ground.

We keep walking to dinner.

The food was good, and everyone but Monika touched their plate.

"I'm not hungry, I just had pancakes." Monika explained.

We left and we were all offered a place to sleep by that same couple, so Monika accepts it.

We slept in the basement, where they had lots of air mattresses, and a TV with Cartoon Network.

There was stairs going up.

Then there was another door.

The glass shows nothing but darkness on the other side.

I could make out a stair, so I tell the group.

"Maybe you and Sayori should go," Monika tells me.

"No, fuck that! Come with us." I retort.

"No, I need to watch out up here."

After a bit of arguing, I finally get her to agree to come. Natsuki flipped the TV to the Anime Channel. Yuri, still shaking, but not as violent as before, reads a book about the school shooting in Florida.

Sayori, Monika, and I open the door and start downstairs. I almost fall three times. And it took us five minutes to descend.

The corridors are only lit by LEDs on either side.

We pull out our shotguns and get going.


	17. The Kids Aren't Alright, Part One

(Sayori's view)

We stepped downstairs, and we grabbed our shotguns. I so badly want to turn it on myself right now. A part of me also wants to turn it on Rivers. How could he do that to me?

 _How could you do that to him?,_ my conscience told me.

I kept walking. I'm super confused right now. Like, I want to forgive him, but I want to kick his ass. Maybe I can do both. I still love him. Maybe we're even?

I have no time to think as we duck and hide from a man walking down the corridor. He doesn't see us.

Rivers was telling Monika about a dream he had about an Argentine guy joining the club with a wood block and a shank and falling in love with Yuri, and a guy from Yugoslavia joining the club.

"And that's when I'm moving to Antarctica," Rivers blurts out. He can be so stupid sometimes.

I keep walking and I hear footsteps.

It comes closer.

And closer.

I see a figure of a man as I round the corner.

Unfortunately, my trigger finger reacts too fast.

BAM!

I set off an alarm as we run back, going back up the stairs.

Yuri was chatting with Natsuki about the fact she has a thing for Argentine guys, and I just sat there thinking, "These kids aren't alright."

"Hurry up and act like your sleeping!" Monika tells everybody.

Someone pops their head through the door and doesn't take the hint. He goes away and Natsuki puts on the Anime Channel again.

I sneak away from everybody by 3 AM. I go outside, and walk outside the town. To the pines.

I sit there for a while, thinking.

Why am I in this when I know I'm not gonna fucking win?

The town is empty, and I can hear the cars going past the highway.

There's a lot of rope on a branch on the tree.

I grab it and tie it into a noose, which I then put around my neck. I'm about to jump, when I hear "Wait!"

I turn around and see Rivers runnings towards me, arms flailing.

"Don't jump!" he yells.

"What the hell for? We're all gonna die in the end!" I snapped.

Rivers pondered that for a second, and then grabbed some more rope out of his sweater pocket, and really fast, tied a noose for himself.

"Rivers...don't..."

"If you die, I have no one else."

He puts the noose around his neck.

He grabs my hand and looks at me.

I want to tell him not to. But I don't.

I feel so comforted.

At least if we die, we die together.

"Alright..." Rivers whispered. "3, 2, 1..."

And we jumped.

The rope really hurt my neck.

I think the only reason we didn't die was that we were still holding hands. He's heavier than me, so he pulled me down, out of my noose.

When I fell, he fell too and landed on his back.

"Stupid thing!" Rivers screamed and tried to get back.

I kind of laughed.

"Wait!" I yelled.

"What?"

"Think about it: if we tried so hard to die and we didn't, then maybe we're not supposed to..." I told him, "Rivers... you gotta promise me if we make it out alive, we can't kill ourselves."

He objects.

"But I wanna die!" Rivers cried.

I put a hand on his shoulder.

"You've literally tried 200 times." I told him.

"Yes?"

"And you haven't died once."

He sits there for a bit and processes it. "So _Dios_ doesn't want me to die?" Rivers asked. He still can't speak excellent English, just enough.

"I don't know what that means."

"Like, _Dios Jesucristo_?" he asked.

And then I got it.

He thinks God keeps him from dying.

"In Mexico, suicide is a sin..." he told me, "...my dad would beat me when I tried to kill myself."

"But... please, Rivers... if we both make it out alive, let's promise each other well both stay alive no matter what... for... for each other..." I pleaded.

"Wait... you still love me?" Rivers whispered.

I kissed him on the cheek, and it seemed to give him the idea.

We threw the rope away into bushes and just laid there on the hill, holding hands, just staring into the dark town.

"I forgive you..." Rivers whispered.

I guess I forgive him too.

So, we just laid there on the hill face and talked. About old time, funny memories from Seal Beach.

"If we make it back, I want to go to college for animation!" Rivers said.

"Which one?" I responded

He told me about the University of Alaska at Anchorage, and how it was his dream to became an _Alaskero_ , someone who lives in Alaska.

"You're so weird." I joked.

He knows I'm going to this college in Japan, where my mom went to college. My mom practically insisted. In secret, I wanted to be with Rivers, but she insisted to go to Japan.

We kept talking, and, for practically the millionth time in this book, yeah, we made out... a lot.

None of your business, okay?

We woke up at dawn and snuck back into the room.

Everyone was awake. Yuri was on Tinder talking to some Argentine guy named 'Conrado', and I even think I saw a dickpic or two, which was something I really wanted to unsee.

I thought, _Well, I have seen a Mexican guy's dick before, and got it put in me, so it's not all that weird._

Monika was going through a toolbox when she called me over to check something out.

"Sayori, come check this out!" she told me.

"What?"

So she found a map of the catacombs under the commune.

"I think I know where Libitina is."

She said that Libitina was in one of seven wings in the catacombs.

A114.

After I hear Yuri moaning in the bathroom to what I think was that guy, I realize it's time to wrap it up quick.

"Okay, everyone! Let's go..." I announced quietly.

The old couple heard me.

"Go where?" the husband asked me.

"Umm...no where?"

The man took me outside and talked to me.

"I know what the fuck you are doing, and I know where you were last night." he snapped at me quietly.

I wonder if he saw me making out with Rivers.

Then I realize he knows I shot the man.

"I don't know what you're doing, but it's not good." he said as he walked me over behind the house where no one could see us.

There he... uh... tried to rip off my shirt.

Realizing I still had a smoke bomb. I grabbed it and set it off. I snatched my shirt and backed off. He got my shirt off, but I quickly put it back on before anyone could see me in my bra.

I ran to Rivers.

"We gotta fucking go. Now." I told him firmly.

"Why? I'm watching Cio-Cio San: The Anime." he responded.

"That fucktard tried to rape me!" I said a bit too loud.

"That bitch tried to kill me!" the man yelled.

I guess here rape of young girls is perfectly legal, because the wife pulled a shotgun at me. Rivers backed into a corner.

That wuss.

I was about to die.

But then a loud sound went off.

I waited for the shooting pain. But it never came.

Instead, the grandma died.

Monika and Rivers shot her at the same time.


	18. The Kids Aren't Alright, Part Two

(Rivers view)

The ocean of lava that I used to push down I let out. My psychosis? I show it.

Rape my girlfriend? Hell, no!

I grabbed that old shit and put a knife to his throat.

"Walk, _cabron_." I ordered.

Behind the house, I pulled out the man's wallet.

It has a picture of his three children.

"Aww, how cute!" I said in a fake nice voice, "...show me where they are."

This cowardly man starts walking toward the nursery. A small nursery with about 10 other children.

I let him go with my eye on him.

"Get them." I told him.

He comes out and grabs his children. I walked with him to the outside. To the pines.

Last night I realized why there was rope in the pines.

They were supposed to be gallows, where people were hanged.

I go to that same tree and find the rope from the bush.

I cut it into three equal parts.

"Hang them." I told him in a scary tone of voice.

He hesitated.

"Hang them or I'll just kill you and hang them myself."

I pressed the throat harder it onto his neck to show what I meant.

He set up the nooses and hanged his children.

"Now this is the part I didn't tell you."

I grabbed a lighter and lit a pipe bomb, which blew up the family and left them vaporized in the fire.

I threw my sweater in the fire.

I walked back with no bloody stains so I couldn't be traced.

They asked me what happened.

"I let them run away."

I think they saw the fire, though.

Yuri finished up and washed her hands and we went into the catacombs.

It took an hour of searching. But we finally made it to the wings area.

We had to spend half a hour finding wing A.

These parts were super dark and hot.

Not that many people lived in these parts.

We walked around and saw the room we were looking for.

I silently twist the door handle.

It was unlocked.

I step inside.

No one is in there, but I know this is what we're looking for.

Many children's clothes are scattered around the room.

A few toys, nothing special.

There's a University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire poster on the wall.

There was a desk.

The desk was messy, but I saw a note.

It read in messy handwriting: appt. 9:20.

"What could appt. mean?" I asked Monika.

"Appointment! I think it means appointment." Natsuki said.

Then I got it.

Monika showed me five appointment rooms in the seven wings.

I kept reading the note.

At the bottom said B.

Appointment Room B, in Wing B.

We walked for about fifteen minutes to Wing B, our next stop.

I hear cries of pain as I walk closer.

It's 9:20.

I peek in, and I see a girl on a stretcher.

They're injecting in her this liquid. This liquid, I knew it was PCP.

I got angry again. How could they give this dangerous drug to children?

I kicked the door open and the whole newly-founded Wisconsin Literature Squad pointed our guns at them.

"Now, let's not get too hasty here..." the doctor said.

He reached for a button.

"Fifty-six children are in that nursery. You move one fucking inch closer, I'll press this button and blow that shit up..." the doctor threatened, reaching for the button.

Sayori and I both shot him at the same time.

However the body fell back and pressed on the button.

BOOOOOOM!

"Okay, we need to save this girl." Monika said in a panic.

Sayori unbuckled the restraint and grabbed her hand.

She's better with children then I am.

We run and find the nearest exit.

The PA system is blaring.

Now it's closing all the security exits.

We barely slip through them.

We slip through that gap to the outside and all run out.

Remember that diner at the beginning of, what was it called, "Japanese Beauty, Mexican Psycho", (I'm scared that I'm not the Japanese beauty), but we had a car. We were about to use it.

Yuri runs off and finds a man struggling down the highway.

He had dark skin, a Packers hat and was around our age.

I ran with her to the guy.

"Are you alright?" she asked him.

They talked, then I realize this is the guy Sayori told me Yuri was talking to on Tinder.

I listened to the story.

Supposably, he was from Argentina, but moved to Cuba for the hell of it. He heard about one of the _colonias_ , the religious camps. Coming from a very religious family and part of the world, he wanted to join. He went, and he enjoyed the first year.

However, it became more and more extreme, and they ordered him to do more horrible things, like killing children.

They threatened to kill everyone he loved, and then the boiling point came when they killed his best friend yesterday.

He came from Slovakia or Slovenia or somewhere and they met in Cuba.

He cried a bit and Yuri comforted him.

We walked back to the car, where the rest of the Literature Squad was starting to get pissed.

I don't think we can fit six people.

"I think you two should stay here..." I told them.

They didn't object.

I got in and we were off.

Once we crossed the road into Wisconsin, I asked a question to the little girl.

"What's your name?"

She answered in a timid tone, "Yurina Elyssa. My mom calls me Yuri."

Thank _Dios_ we didn't bring Yuri.

I mean, older Yuri.

I bet Conrado and her are having a great time.

"Where do we go?" Sayori asked.

Nobody answered, but then I realized...

"Eau Claire!"

They had an Eau Claire poster on the wall.

Eau Claire is an hour east of here.

I ask little Yuri, "Do you know your mom's name?"

"I think Alana..." she responded.

When we make it to Eau Claire, we go and snatch a Yellow Pages off someone's porch.

I find Alana Elyssa.

"2100 13th Street."

To make a long story short, we saved her.

And to make things better. the Third Eye wasn't activated.

Meaning Monika is here to stay.

We pick up Yuri and Conrado at the meetup.

We already know they're falling in love.

Now it's time to go home.


	19. Why Don't You Get A Job?

I wake up to a tap of my shoulder.

"Wake up, silly!" the voice tells me.

I wake up to a piano. Monika is singing her ending, "Your Reality."

It almost makes me wanna cry.

She ends the song.

Before we fade away back to Seal Beach, I shout, "Wait!"

"What?" Monika asks.

"I learned guitar and singing a year ago," I told her.

Sayori then chimes in, "I learned bass."

Natsuki then also chimes in, "I learned drums."

Then all three instruments appeared, almost like it was made for us.

The guitar had the design of waves and the flag of Mexico.

The bass had flowers and rainbows on it.

The drums had a pink and black design pattern on it.

We look at Yuri.

"I learned vocals..."

"Whoa.. what?" Sayori wondered.

"What, you thought I only read school shooting books?"

We just start our songs.

We play four songs, one for each new Literature Squad band member, and Yuri.

We start with Yuri's.

I hear the drum intro, then soon I'm playing Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. I'm singing too, and my voice is okay.

I feel the whole energy, and I'm practically shouting.

Then there was Sayori's theme, which was Basket Case by Green Day.

Again, I was singing.

Then there's Natsuki's, which is Say It Ain't So by Weezer.

Then there was mine.

I didn't know what to sing.

I remembered.

The song I was known for.

I played Self Esteem by the Offspring.

If you want, listen to all four on YouTube, you'll get why it's our theme songs.

After that we all pass out.

I awake to Sayori and the rest of the squad and Conrado back at the Literature Club.

Yuri and Conrado sneak out holding hands. Oh shit, I suspect some unholy desires rising in them.

"...The hell?" I said weakly.

"Oh, Monika used her fancy laptop to teleport us back."

"Everyone's safe?" I asked her.

"Everyone's safe." Sayori reassures me.

Sayori and Monika talked for a bit and eventually made an announcement.

"We found out who's gonna be president and Vice President!" Monika announced.

"So... we decided I'm going to be Vice President..." Sayori announced.

There's a long pause after that. Everyone's dying from the suspense and just how crazy this all is.

Natsuki goes over to the end and reads manga called Parfait Girls and the Cisco Kid.

"And we've decided the president is going to be..." Monika announced.

We got even more suspenseful...

"Rivers!"

Everyone was cheering for me.

"No... not me. Um..." I stuttered.

Monika whispered, "Don't worry. Now we're a normal, not crazy club."

Then my best friend Evan walked in.

I walked over to say hi, but the first thing he did was kiss Natsuki.

"What? I thought...you and Monika..." I stuttered.

Then I realized Monika wasn't dating him anymore.

Then I realized, other than Monika, everybody has somebody.

Natsuki has Evan.

Yuri has Conrado guy.

Sayori has me.

Poor Monika.

Me and Sayori walk home. Just like good old times. I check the mail.

"Hell, yeah!" I shout.

"What?" Sayori asked. I showed her the mail. I got accepted to the college.

She starts crying.

She grabs me and hugs me.

"I'm gonna miss you." she sobs.

"Don't."

"What the fuck?" she says, "Why?"

I hand her the other paper. I secretly got her in.

"Rivers, how the fuck did you-"

"I had both of us under the same address."

"But my mom would never approve. She hates you."

I let her come inside and I explained to her the plan. It seemed like she was super happy, we wouldn't just fall apart in a heartbeat.

So, it went something like: see if her dad can drive me to the airport, then once they're out of sight, Japan Airlines and Alaska Airlines is in the same terminal, so throw away the Japan flight and go to Alaska.

Later today.

Her dad likes me. Her mom don't. We get driven by both of them, and I thank them and walk down to Alaska Airlines. She gets Japan Airlines. Once she's at the front, they drive away.

She runs over, and we both get our tickets.

The wait was one of the happiest places in my life.

We would both be together.

We got on the plane about an hour later.

I love that feeling of taking off. The forces, the power.

I fall asleep.

I dream of how me and Sayori will be in Alaska.

Happy.

Forever.

Or maybe she'll find a sancho and cheat on me.

Shut up, me.

The last thing I feel is the gentlest tap of my shoulder.

"Wake up, baby. We're here."


End file.
